his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
