Your mouth is God's brothel.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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