she was so not down for the gang bang
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
