butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
