I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize