Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
