I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
