OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
