I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
