Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
