dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
