My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
