She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I love having hate sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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