uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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