No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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