brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
