I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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