There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
