this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize