I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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