Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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