saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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