Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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