This is not my ceiling
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
