smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
