jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
