I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
