My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
