He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
