Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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