She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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