i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
