dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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