oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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