she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want nice things and good sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
