its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
