Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
