apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize