My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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