we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
