I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize