just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
