We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize