forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
