wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I supernannyed him into submission
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
