I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
