Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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