It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Randomize