Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
