What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
