there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
