I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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