1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
