The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
