why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
