It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
