were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
