bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize