I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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