Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize