Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
