Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
