the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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