Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
whose parrot is this?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
