I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize