I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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