I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize