Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
