i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
