My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
