I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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