my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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