it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
