and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
