everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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