nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
