Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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