dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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