if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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