The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
