Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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