I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
