imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Never joke about your clitoris.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
