Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
