I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
