Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize