Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
