maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
