I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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