Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
