No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
