yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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