Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
