I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
