I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
