whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
