i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
